Blue Ridge Entertains events to raise money for Dispute Settlement Center

On July 4, a Leicester man's 10-year-old dog, Lady, was shot and killed outside the owner's home. The owner suspects someone from the neighborhood may have tired of the dog's barking and taken drastic measures. This is one example of a conflict that had a sad outcome that possibly could have been prevented. The conflict had the potential to be resolved peacefully through communication and mediation, says Kate Stockman, executive director of the Dispute Settlement Center of Henderson County.

"Locally, there might be something we can do to change that," Stockman says.

The non-profit organization, which has helped to resolve conflict in the county for 24 years, will be holding an inaugural series of fundraising events - "events that appeal to almost anyone," as Stockman says, beginning Saturday and lasting through the fall. Blue Ridge Entertains will feature eight festive dining and social events at private homes, inns and even an outdoor venue.

Each event host chose a theme, entertainment and menu. The cost for each event constitutes an all-inclusive donation to the Dispute Settlement Center. IRS guidelines require that the fair market value of each event must be subtracted in order to determine deductibility.

Stockman stresses that you pay for the event up front.

"There's nothing else to pay for once you get to the event - it's an all-inclusive event," she says.

From the proceeds, Stockman hopes to raise about $15,000.

Here's a look at each event:

n Saturday, July 19, 5 p.m. - Mid Summer Night Dream, Pathways to Tranquility at a private home. An evening of renewing old friendships and making new acquaintances awaits you in a mountain atmosphere. Enjoy casual, pleasant social encounters and the delights of heavy hors d'oeuvres and libations. Cost: $40.

n Friday, July 25, 6 to 8 p.m. - Red (wine), White (wine) and Blues at a private home. Twelve fun-loving folks will start their weekend with wine, appetizers, conversation and fun. Cost: $50.

n Saturday, July 26, 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. - Make a Memory Necklace and have lunch at the Copper Crest Inn. Gather all your memories that are represented in lockets, pendants, buttons and talismans of various kinds and join us to create a unique memory necklace. All necessary supplies and spacer beads will be provided - you just provide the special memory materials. Cost: $60.

Stockman, who is one of the hostesses for this event, describes this outing as a "playshop," because "We're not working, we're playing," she says. "It's just something that can span generations, in my opinion."

n Saturday, Aug. 2, 6 p.m. - Pork and Puddin' on the Porch at a private home. Kick back on the porch of a home high in the hills of Kenmure and soak in the endless views and dazzling sunset. Live music will accompany the classic Southern menu. Cost: $35.

n Saturday, Aug. 23, 7 p.m. - A Viking Feast, a Scandinavian Smorgasbord at a private home. There's a little Skandinavisk in all of us. Explore your Scandinavian self at this evening of Nordic fare. Cost: $50.

n Saturday, Sept. 13, 4:30 p.m. - A Pickin' and a Grinnin', this barbecue goes whole hog at a historic Henderson County apple orchard. Savor the offerings from barbecue master Jimmy Freeman, whose 14-hour cooking process begins in the early morning and finishes just in time for the festivities. BB and the Chick band will provide entertainment. Cost: $30.

n Tuesday, Sept. 23, 11:45 a.m. - Winning at the Waverly, ladies' autumn luncheon and bridge party at the Waverly Inn. Start the autumn season with a winning hand at this party for ladies only. Cost: $40.

n Saturday, Oct. 11, 3 to 5 p.m. - A Festive Fall Afternoon Tea, a celebration of estrogen at the Copper Crest Inn. Enjoy a crisp fall afternoon to enjoy foliage, friends, the songs of Jennifer Scott and an English tea on the lawn. This is the Dispute Settlement Center's fourth annual Garden Tea Party. Cost: $30 for adults, $15 for those under 12. A table of eight is $200.

"It's a great event to dress up, wear a hat," Stockman says. "We have awards for the most historical and the most hysterical hat."

Other awards during the tea party include awards for the youngest and the oldest attendee - thusfar, 3 is the youngest and 98 is the oldest.

Coming back to the topic of resolving conflicts, many recent mediations have involved neighborhood situations with barking dogs, says Amanda Gaines, director of community and mediation services for the Dispute Settlement Center.

In one case, a neighbor of a person whose dog barked during much of the day had health problems and had to stay at home and rest all day. The barking posed a problem for getting the needed rest, so in mediation, both parties talked about their feelings about the issue. The person who owned the dog didn't realize the neighbor had health problems and needed to rest during the day, but instead thought that the neighbor had nothing better to do all day than sit at home all day and be nosy. Once they sat down at the table and talked, communication lines were established that enabled them to devise a viable solution. The dog would stay inside during the day and would be let out during the evenings when the owner was home (the dog didn't bark when the owner was home).

More about the center <0x000A>and mediation

Mediation enables both parties to talk in a safe place in a respectful manner.

"Our tagline is 'Peaceful conversations create peaceful communities,'" Stockman says. "Each of these events is another way to reinforce positive community building."

Two mediators are involved in each mediation. Their goal is to create equal balance of power between both parties, "so each person can say what he or she needs to say," Stockman explains. "A mediator's job is to remain neutral, just making sure a process is being followed."

The results of the mediation session are up to those being mediated.

Another important aspect to keep in mind about mediation is that it is confidential.

"Confidentiality is a big part of who we are and how we conduct business," Stockman says.

The center provides three areas of mediation: First is for the community, including call-ins and court referrals, for adults that are not in family relationships. Second is for youth and third is for family.

Stockman encourages folks considering mediation due to a stressful situation with others to call, regardless of the perceived importance of the conflict.

"If it's enough conflict to cause stress, call us," she says. "If it's causing stress, then it needs to be resolved."

There is one area the DSC will not handle, and that is domestic violence. Center organizers will refer these situations to Mainstay.

In the areas that the center does cover, there is a high success rate.

"Ninety-six percent of our community mediation cases are resolved in mediation," Stockman says. "I'm really proud of the work we do here."

The center is continuing to grow, increasing the need for community support.

"We have just expanded our community mediation program into Polk County," Stockman says.

In the future, the center plans to offer sessions for elderly care-givers - whether that be family members or those in the medical profession - as well as separate sessions for divorced mothers and divorced fathers to learn how to co-parent when not in a relationship with the other parent.

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If you cannot attend events but would still like to contribute a donation to the Dispute Settlement Center, mail a check to 101 Grove St., Hendersonville, NC 28792.

For more information about these events or the Dispute Settlement Center or to volunteer (training will be held in August), call 697-7055 or visit www.dschc.org.